A hypothetical play situation like the following scenario may occur at any time of the day in a preschool setting:

A child approaches an adult and complains about her friend, “She’s not sharing her car.” As the adult looks down, she observes a whole basket full of cars that no one is playing with. It seems obvious that the solution would be for the child to select a different car. Sometimes that works like a “Eureka!” moment for the child who happily selects a different car and continues to play with her friend. Congratulations, the adult wears her “badge of problem solver” proudly. Other times the situation is more complicated.

This is where the ABCD approach to problem solving can come in helpful. We are reminded of this approach from the teachings at Red River College.

A – Ask what the problem is. On the surface it may just seem that the child either does not notice the other cars, or just wants the car that her friend has. Probing deeper may give more insight into what is disturbing the child. Perhaps on further questioning it is discovered that the two children were sharing the car initially, but one child decided that she no longer cared to play that way.

B – Brainstorm.  Help the child come up with ideas of her own to solve the problem. She may suggest getting a different car, or using the car in the famous “5 minutes”. One of the answers may be to grab the car away. Help her choose which solution may work the best. Ask what would happen if the other child suggested 10 minutes, or if she grabbed the toy, what she thinks would happen next.

C – Choose. After discussing the pros and cons of her ideas, help her with her choice. Preschoolers may need help with vocabulary and social etiquette, or getting the attention of the child who does not want to share.

D  – Discuss. Let her know that it is all right if her solution doesn’t work. She can either try something different, or help her cope with not having the toy at all. If you still have the child’s attention, congratulate her attempt at solving the problem. Remind her that she could try this again if the situation occurs another time.

Conflict occurs in a variety of situations throughout the lifetime of a person. Although it can cause frustration, and may even be painful, learning to problem solve helps to develop patience, wisdom,  and resilience.